I am Merely Myself

2010-01-06T04:39:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here.

Watching Entourage out the corner of my eye, surprisingly good show.

I just read Be's blog and finally realised that I haven't posted one in AGES.

I'm so lazy, I think I get bored WAY too easily.

But then again, I haven't even been on this computer much in the last few weeks.

Why you ask?

This is because I have been..."busy"

By that I mean my most recent boyfriend, Mathew.

He's incredible. To say the least.

I'm not one to talk about guys

hahaha... okay my whole blog is about men. Of ALL shapes and sizes

I remember the post a while ago, it's probably not even there anymore, but it said something like "I've met the ONE, the perfect guy, he's this this this and this."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

That was a slight FAILURE...

He was horrible, not even two months and I fucked him off.

But Mat.

It has been two months...MORE than two months. And I'm still with him.

And I'm still happy...

I cried heaps, because of his personality. So introverted so I was a bit confused of how he felt...

But now!

We said it.

You know..."it."

Oh my GOLLY GOSH Nicole

The famous, heartless Nicole ACTUALLY said it.

(And meant it :O)

I couldn't believe how hard it was to say it.

Feelings and emotions now apply to me...I hated it.

But yeah, all those love songs n shit actually make sense to me now. I get how they can, "give their all"

Cause fucken hell. I gave everything to this guy. I don't even talk to people anymore. Only him and his mates.

It's funny cause the only thing I kept the same is my old buddy who I talk with.

And what happens? He almost breaks up with me AGAIN.

I didn't really want to tell him that I don't have any friends anymore, that's just pathetic.

But I had to...made him feel bad. Muahahah I felt good about that, you do NOT get angry at me just cause I want to have a life outside of him. Goddamn

Nah that's in the past, all good now.

Ruv. replaced by hate

"I hate you."

"I hate you too."

"How much?"

"A lot."

"gnaw :)"

Well I feel sick. Haven't been eating properly. Soooo I'm gonna throw up and piss off to sleep

Goodnight friends.

just a normal day

2009-07-08T23:26:00.000-07:00

Atm I am sitting next to Pietro aka. Peterrrrrr

Listening to Cabron by Chilli Peppers

BEST SONGGGGGG

I am happy today, surprisingly

man, the URL of this blog is the most truest thing i have ever written

SERIOUSLY

ppl. look up the definition of the word ephemeral

u all need to know big words

like me

ok, "me" isnt a big word but u know

U KNOW WAT I MEAN STFU (stuff u)(i know wat it means peter stfu)

but yes.

My humps

good song to duet to

lol joseph

dont read this!

2009-07-08T08:50:00.000-07:00

i shall murder myself

mentally

physically, fuck it

sorry for all those who liked me before.

oops over load

2009-07-08T08:26:00.000-07:00

I DONT CARE WHAT ANY OF YOU SAY

YOU ALL FUCKEN JUDGE ME

EVEN IF YOU ARE MY CLOSEST FRIEND

OR SOMEONE I DONT EVEN KNOW THE FUCKING NAME OF

YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO THIS TO ME?

I WISH YOU COULD ALL GET TOGETHER

ID LAY A FUCKEN MASSIVE GUILT BOMB ONTO YOU

KILL YOU ALL

KILL 'EM ALL

I DONT GIVE A SHIT ANYMORE

YOU DONT KNOW WHOM YOU WRONG BY DOING THIS TO ME

I COULDNT BE ANGRIER

MY FACE IS RED

MY BODY IS A HUNDRED DEGREES

THE ANGER SETS ME IN FLAMES

WHY DO YOU WANT TO FUCK IT ALL UP FOR ME?

AM I NOT ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY

I LET THIS PAST ME FOR TOO LONG

I HATE YOU ALL

THREE PEOPLE I DONT HATE

PETER, RYAN AND JOSEPH

EVERYONE ELSE CAN DIE.

FUCKING DIE IN HOLE AND NEVER COME BACK

I WOULDNT CRY IF THE WORLD EXPLODED TODAY AND I WAS LEFT ALONE

I HAVE NO REMORSE.

I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST ALL OF YOU

I WAS WRONG

ITS ALL MY FAULT FOR LETTING MY GUARD DOWN

NONE OF YOU SHALL EVER KNOW

YOU'LL NEVER SEE THIS

I HATE YOU

I WAS WRONG

I HATE YOU

Don't believe Be

2009-06-30T19:13:00.000-07:00

At the moment I'm sitting next to Bernie. Woo shout out! =D

Um, but yes, sorry for all the guys reading this, but yesterday I got my rags, and I couldn't be happier! XDXD

This morning at stratty station, and this chick was in the waiting line for a ticket, she was HOT. I stared at her for ages until she asked: "What are you staring at?"
To which I replied, "You. You're really hot."
Her reaction: "oh...uh...thanks..." *turns away, face of confusion*
Me: "Nice."

That was my pickup for the day.

BUT YES, most important thing!
I am now in a relationship.

With Hutchi less than three

(thats bernie's thing...i should make a post abt her, i love her)

IT WAS ALL HER I SWEAR, I WOULD NEVER SAY "L♥VE"

Isn't she so hot?
(I know you love me)

Heads up to guys...
Wear thin, white, long sleeve, kinda tight shirts...SO HOT.

Wise words:

Go for it, no matter how difficult it seems!

UNCH ONNNN

2009-06-29T01:15:00.001-07:00

On Sunday I went to the city.

One of the most exciting parts of the day happened before I even met up with them!

ok.

I woke up at 9:29 am. Was supposed to wake at 7...oops...

So I went as fast as I could to Bernie's house, shortest visit EVER. Three seconds not even.

Skip the train ride, was uber boring.

Got to Town Hall, snaked my way through a copious mass of people to arrive at the stairs to George Street.

Then all I hear, is a woman SCREAMING. Like, anger screaming. I look up the stairs and right at the top, a woman circling two men while they stare at each other manically. Suddenly, UUNCH ONNNNN! And the little guy goes at him hard out! They fought like little girls, but the tall white guy got the other on the ground eventually.

I thought that was a good chance to get out of there, so I walked up.

Cops show up straight away. She full on accuses the white guy of staunching the little asian dude. like wtf.

And then, they arrested the small guy.

How cool is that?!?

As I was impatiently walking down George Street, I saw two men talking bout it, and I couldn't help but laugh, it was heaps funny!

Conversation started, and we're off.

Best two dudes! Richard and...Dan(Jam as I thought he said LOL)

Then I dogged my 20 minute friendship for my friends.

OH, heads up

NEVER GO TO THE MACCAS ACROSS FROM GEORGE STREET CINEMAS

*waves hands in No Garry No fashion*

Okay I've gone on too long bout that shit.

cya

Rumourssss oOoOoO 8-)

2009-06-27T07:31:00.001-07:00

Today wasn't a very good day. Sadly.

I was worried about many things which I cannot disclose.

But then the piece dela resistance came and I felt really bad.

I don't want people to think badly of me. I don't even know half the things I apparently did.

I don't think people realise how bad rumours are, until they have one,

or in my case countless rumours about them.

They soon realise, "oh fuck, so this is how it feels..."

But they never admit it.

I know you feel bad, I know you say, "I know they aren't true so fuck em."

but it hurts, admit it, its FINE.

You could call it Karma or you could say they all hate you.

There can't be that many people that hate you if the rumours aren't true.

SO DON'T ASSUME

ALRIGHT, I'm talking to myself now, if you haven't realised. Couldn't help it.

But its interesting how the people you thought liked you, end up saying that shit

They don't know who they wrong...

Maybe I should throw in the towel and just become a Nun!

No...I'm not worthy of that.

I will try my hardest to be a better person.

I don't care anymore if people don't like me.

But I don't want people to detest me.

Like c'mon.

Just, don't say your judgemental thoughts, and all will be fine.

FUCKEN STUDY YOU LAZY BITCH

Wow, I'm extremely judgemental to myself.

I'm PRETTY sure thats a contradiction to one of the Ten Commandments

oops..

Truth? YES

2009-06-24T00:51:00.000-07:00

Today was a very interesting adventure.

to get to city at 10am

i had to wake up at 6.

*rolls eyes* i love where i live...

anyway

the guy i was meeting up with had to come later T_T

so i got my ear pierced!! weowwwww its called the tragus part of the ear, did NOT hurt. only for

like ONE second. so all u PUSSIES out there too scared of the pain, IT DOESN'T HURT.

isnt it beautiful??

I met up with Sexy Man!!

not going to tell u the raunchy details, ur gonna have to ask personally... muahahah

then i went and bought some sexayy lingerie!

oh LG LG.

BASICALLY

I was alone all day.

The only people I spoke to were at the shops I went.

But I still had the best fucking day.

I'm not even joking.

My wise words to you all:

LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT

...And don't u forget it.

ffs

2009-06-23T00:33:00.001-07:00

kill me now

i have a headache from singing...

or maybe its the redbull...

watever. i left the piano punching every wall i walked past.

its like, im supposed to sing with my diaphragm yeah ok.

but i dont know how to

do that!!

u may be a singer and say, its easy what are u on about

ok well STFU, WANNA TEACH ME???

every time i try to do it i fuck up

ok starting so sound emo

IM JUST SO UNBELIEVABLY CUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT ping1 ping1 ping1

siiiiiiiiigh

doesnt matter.

OH OH OH, lol backwards santa ANYWAY

That amazing guy pictured below called me today. i have to call him!!

HAPPY.

mood swing much??

i know aye

Fucken cat lolll. comfortable??

sleep deprivation ramifications

2009-06-22T02:40:00.000-07:00

lolll there were things i had to blog about today...

but i cant remember them

tried to study maths, all i did was organise it.

handed in religion study guide. half done muahaha

so how is the day of a person with no sleep

starts with, well, u don't wake up.

get a redbull.

fall asleep in the least amount of classes u can... only religion! yay.

something is weird. when I'm awake n shit, i play improvisational piano great! but average piece playing. also, just meh maths, no concentration i tell u!

but when im tired as SHIT. i have so much motivation to push past it all and do everything i can. and yeah, i was playing scales heaps well until my mum got all shitty saying "I'm just TIRED okay??"

lmfao funny shit

OH yeah, btw

kill, me, now.

ok dramatic.

GOT MY REPORT BACK

how is it, i got the highest ranking for RELIGION

kill me now!!!!

ahhhhhhhh

fuck it, im gonna become a nerd MUAHAHAHA

yeah right...

hehehehhee weece!

2009-06-21T12:04:00.000-07:00

This is blog dedicated to the one and ONLY

RHYS

he is so kooooooolll

and if he didnt stay up with me

he'd never know how awesome i think he is

1. He can take a joke. No matter how crude.

2. He is my friend, there aren't many this dedicated (Y)

3. He is a rebel, admit it. You are. Well, when you were young at least...

4. I love this layout

5. Back to Rhys. He has the cutest voice when he's confused. "whaaa...?"

lols.

6. <-- My favourite number ^_^. He can do really heavy reps.

D= please Rhys don't hurt me!!

hahah i know you wouldn't hurt a fly

...but when it comes to a "walk"

LOL

seven??

7. He has so many dreams, and i know he should go out and get em!

(especially a girl.)

8. *clears throat* he smells great. All, the,

TIME.

lol he actually smells like a candle i have in my house, which is a good thing!!

think nicole!!

9. he couldn't be a nicer person

10. I'm so happy that I have him as a friend

OK GAY MOMENT OVER, feelings GONE

bonus!

11. I fuck up his computer...

alot.

Fucking WOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2009-06-21T11:26:00.000-07:00

today was ALSO the best day of my life

went to the GT clubs first birthday

and it was GREAT

like, fucking HECTIK

um, there were brazilian dancers, guys and girls, both i loved.

the guy dancer. lets just show u his sexy body then ill tell u the story..

after the show, i spoke to him.

he had the thickest accent.

spoke english for four months

but spoke EXTREMELY well

(smart aswell, kill me now)

i told him i played capoeira too

i asked him to tell me something in portuguese

"você é uma garota linda"

(thank you google translate)

means, you are a gorgeous girl

and eventually i gave him my number

life, is, GOOD

=] =] =] =] =] =D

seeing him on saturday i hope

to, as he said..."train"

ALSO, on a diff note!

did an all nighter with Rhys!

ok sounds rong

STOP THINKING DIRTY

lol says me.

it was an awesome night of working out and porn.

yes porn, got a problem??

not him

lol dw i didnt give u a bad rep rhys.

LG, cant wait for double maths today.

must..keep...eyes..open!!

haha deep.

2009-06-18T02:31:00.000-07:00

my first blog. how interesting.

ill get straight into it shall i?

No one is ever completely right. A thought, a statement, even a word out of place and not completely factual can be scrutinized. does this mean we shouldn't criticise? i believe this would stop the flow and evaluation of human existence if we ceased to judge and criticise. exercise our opinion and our truth of belief. no one wants to hear their faults. but despite this, so many, in fact probably all humans are intrigued by what they, being the whole world, thinks of them. some say that they don't care, but we all know, that within their subconscious, a part of them aches the truth. that if they don't have some what of an idea of how they come across to the rest of us. what we show on the outside is usually different to that on the inside; to whats in your soul. this part of us can definitely sometimes be scary. feelings we cannot control, emotions we cannot understand and thoughts we are unable to cease. how diabolical, deceiving, daring and devious. how malicious, conspicuous, resolute and suspicious. or how lively, care freely, innocently or blindly; unaware of our own thoughts. this realisation of not being able to understand oneself is what we fear most. to overcome the obviousness of our universal fear, we hide out tree feelings, barring most of the world from what lays within our very soul.

glad i got that off my chest!